The first heartache was when you spat me out of the cold, hard earth
The second was the curse of my hardy people’s improbable girth
Third on the list, yeah, I was truly miffed by my incredible failure of height
But even a dwarf with the poorest recourses can swing with formidable might
I ain’t talking bout hammers, I’m talking bout Amazons, tall elven ladies, fair maids
Stalking the beaches, doing off with their breeches, yeah I’m breaking em out of their caves
Davegard the Green came late to the scene and found I’d already swept em away
I ain’t taking down dragons but no matter how ill-made, you know I still slay
And all my fathers know is the ringing of their axes and the rubies that they’re passing
from hand to hand
Lineages writ in runes on the long walls underneath the mountain
And tired commercial notions I cannot stand
Well it’s true, from time to time I’ve undertaken some bestial things
A couple affairs in the cloisters, I was only spared by the pardon of kings
I can’t help that a hug and a kiss and some more makes me feel like a man
A dwarf who’s short cast out from his clan lives as dangerously as he can
And oh, I know, I will answer for my doings
But the problem is just that the doing is so damn good
Across this blighted world, I’m hiding from my shortcomings
By stripping em down in their castles or out in the woods
Enshroud me, please, in the garters of my lovers when
That merciful reaper comes to set me free
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